It is not the journey’s destination that teaches us who we are but rather the journey itself. In the obstacles that we struggle to overcome, the joys we share with those in our lives, we find who we really are. We are able to find ourselves because we become raw and open in our emotions. Things that we hide even from ourselves come out at our highs and lows. When we finally reach where we want to be, whether it be heaven, in love, limbo or any other destination, we look back on the journey and see all that it took, all that we built not just in our lives but within our very souls as well.

Whenever I hear/see/read this saying, the first thing that comes to mind are the people in my Life whom I treasure dearly. I feel as if I don’t give them the credit they deserve for putting up with me, most especially those that have been a part of me for many years. I’m not the easiest person to deal with when I’m not in my best mood, when I throw tantrums and when I’m having an “only child disorder” yet these people continue to stick with me, regardless of my ‘rare conditions”. The absence of the people that were once dear to me has helped me appreciate those that are present in my Life. I’m thankful for all of the things that many have done for me, no matter how small or big they are. I always feel like I owe my loved ones so much because they keep me sane, intact, feel loved and supported. My previous birthday wasn’t eventful, yet that was the time when I felt that I was truly loved by many. 

All too often we fail to see that turning our backs on someone who needs us is neglect, regardless of whether or not we know the person. as people of a society sustained by the merits of only a select and recognized few, it is all too easy to pass on the responsibility of compassion and humanity. The media attempts to over-hype the good deeds of a select few, reassuring the masses that indeed compassion still exists despite the fact that we never see it in our daily lives anymore, our consciences are still satisfied to see good deeds in the media, thirsty for any affirmation that the world has not fallen into shambles of numbness and indifference to the plight of our fellow man.

We are all too ready and willing to turn a blind eye to the fact that despite the modern-day saints and “do-gooders” who give their lives to the needs of others, it is still not enough. There are still homeless, sick, desperate and dying people… many of which are children, inadequately equipped with the barest concepts of survival and denied the basic human right to flourish and thrive in the world today. Instead of being concerned with making it to the next grade, there are children that exist in the United States concerned with making it to the next day. The government pays farmers not to grow food in order to balance out supply and demand, failing to recognize that the government’s first duty is not to the economy but to its people. We should all be ashamed of ourselves and the filthy society we have allowed ourselves to live in. Lend a hand not because you want to be rewarded but because we all deserve to be helped every now and then…

Sometimes the greatest strength displayed of our character and spirit is not in how we hold on, but how we learn to and are willing to let go. What keeps us from letting go is the fear of being alone… not remembering what it was like to live a Life in solitude. What demons do you bear that are so horrendous as to make you fear being alone with yourself? Face the facts and the fear in order to move on to the future.

 We are all born into this world as seeds of the earth. Our values, goals and morals keep us firmly planted in the ground while our hearts force us to grow branches and reach out to others aching to also feed the world with their own talents: their own forms of oxygen that sustain people through this rough Life. We all go back into the earth as seeds; we are still able to sustain, nurture and provide even when we are no longer physically present. How will you choose to continue to leave your imprint and your ability to feed the world when you are unable to use your hands, eyes, legs or voice anymore? I for one, plan to use my heart.

I hope my love remains everlasting despite the fact that my body will not.

Life has that funny way about it. You never really figure out why you’re living it, but for those lucky few, they live it hoping not to figure it out but simply to enjoy it. I’m in a constant state of thought, pondering the plight of the world at large, wondering where I fit into the grand scheme of things, unable to downsize my fears and minimize the gnawing, numbing thought that I might never find my own niche. I may wander the world for all my years, unable to grasp that simple fact that Life might simply work itself out for me, without needing me to aspire to great philosophical heights and instead would rather have me live, love and give Life and love back to the world in return.

Someone out there might have the same fears as I do; the need to be someone for the world, to find some concrete proof that there is Life after death and we need not fear it as the end of this Life that maybe I’ll share with someone, someday together so blissfully.

I have learned to attempt to not get so caught up in the future as though the present holds no meaning. It is indeed the precious present; the moment in which we live that we are to cherish for once our moments are gone. We are never to return to them - only in memories that fade with age and time and the demand to remember other things in Life, like schedules, names, faces and soon we cloud ourselves with the insignificant, wishing we could still hold on to the dull edges of memories that were once sharp. How I would like to carve those memories into my soul and my heart with their sharp edges and etch them into myself so deeply that even time could not reach them from my depths. Instead, I let them linger and become dull; so dull that there are no edges for which I can grasp at with enough time to set and reminisce.

I suppose my fear of the future is somewhat unnecessary. I understand that there is a plan for all of us out there. One greater than this Life or even the next and trying to grasp it or fathom it is impossible. At least not in only one Life. Perhaps people have limited themselves to the concept that there is only one Life, but when I think about the possibility of fulfulling a plan that someone out there has set for me [whether it be God or some other power] in more than one Life, I am set at ease. I am given the peace to enjoy this Life, this moment and this love. Perhaps if I don’t fulfill everything in this Life, there’s always the next…

 For most of us, the boundaries between our bodily senses are clear-cut and rigid. But for a few rare individuals, the demarcation between vision and hearing, or between taste and touch, are less solid, with one bleeding into the other. 

 There is so much power in human connection, the power to transform people, shape the way they feel about the world and themselves. Some connections are deep enough to actually create human Life and sustain it. But there is something about human connection, the very thread that bind us to people we love slowly wrap themselves around self-control, tightening, restricting, warping. Everything that I loved about myself, my independence, my resolve, my avoidance of drama, my lack of emotion, has all gone rushing out the door.

I have become someone I don’t know, working on improving myself, on finding the balance between human connection and my own emotional health. It’s such a fine line, the battles are all mental and the only victims are the people who are hurt watching me go through what I must to be a better person at the end of the day. All I can say is that I am grateful to be loved, I am grateful that God had the foresight and wisdom to give those around me all the patience that I was never blessed with.

Some days are frustrating, so long and arduous and I find my young mind and heart chomping at the bit, living up to the impatience so characteristic of youth. Every day I wake up hoping for overnight miracles, but the truth is that the journey is long and difficult and I have to want this enough to be able to find the strength to keep walking this path.

I’ve never been able to accept defeat gracefully, to come to terms with the ebb and flow of Life, the inevitable tug of death that accompanies every Life. I’d like to chalk it up to the foolishness of youth: the belief that we are always invincible, that whatever is happening to the world outside could never possibly happen to us. But the fact of the matter remains that we are never promised tomorrow, let alone our next breath. I fully intend to chase my dreams, to take advantage of everything Life has to offer, with the hope that even if I fail at my goals, I am succeeding in Life for the simple fact that I am living it to its utmost potential. I wake up every morning knowing that it wasn’t promised to me, that Life is fleeting and that I have to make the most of what I am given.

I'll never understand those who leave their girlfriend for thinking and using this line - “I don’t deserve you.” I personally think that’s a load of crap. I’m with you for a reason (and more), right? Texting, calling, remembering your birthday, our anniversary, our first kiss, your bad habits, your favorite things, putting up with your unnecessary shit at times and you putting up with mine and just simply sticking with you…Do these things say you don’t deserve me? I’m with you because you’re worth my time, my energy, my everything, regardless of your faults. If I think or feel any differently, I wouldn’t be with you right from the very start and I will tell you personally. Guys, if you don’t want to be with that person anymore, JUST TELL HER. Save her the trouble of questioning her efforts, mistakes and nights crying over your ass. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a relationship with someone, I want that person to be “it” for me because NO ONE likes going through that cycle of trying-to-find-someone-but-you-have-to-go-through-a-lot-of-shit-which-might-cause-you-to-give-up. I believe that you engage in a relationship in hopes of being with that person in the long run. If you can’t commit, then quit. Just sayin’

Dear Reader,


If you could get away for a while... If you could...just run away from every single little thing and problem that you've ever encountered and just... run away where you can start over and not ever have to reminisce or rethink about what would happen if you had stayed. If you hadn't left. If you hadn't .. just ... gone. If you could escape from reality's tight grasp upon you for a while...where would you go?

Wondering,
Ianne

 I wish people would take the time to understand the gravity of the situation before they pass judgment or start dictating what one should say/do about something. Like what they say, easier said than done. How about ask the people involved first about the situation before attacking them? Don’t just run your mouth as if you know what's up because you’ll end up looking like an idiot once you get corrected. Before you start cleaning others’ backyard, start with yours first. This is one example why communication is our weakness at times.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Words DO hurt, whether it’s simple teasing or taunting or something fabricated said about you. You may say something to someone unintentionally but how it’s delivered or how it’s taken are ways of hurting someone verbally. It’s a shame how those that are able to speak waste that blessing and the less fortunate ones have to communicate with their hands…wishing they can be heard. Why do you think our minds get provoked by just simple words or phrases? Because words are powerful, so you should be careful of the things you say and how you say them. 

Unconsciously I burden myself with the idea that I'm exempted from story book plots of common society. Where I'm best accepted in a corporation of solo advocates striving efforts on the brim of a non-existent goal. Faxing, Filing, while pressing our energy away on keyboards, working on a nonstop schedule circumvented with threatening deadlines that patronize results. Positioned throughout scattered cubicles lacking impressionable-social circulation of market quality creativity to roll over oversized billboards. Ones only bitter citizens could catch a glimpse of on a cloudy day during upsetting traffic hours. An industry where our time cards are punched in at the time of birth and we're life long employees with expenditures distributed under a negotiation of scaled self-sufficiency. Who banks now? We're simply identified by barcodes kinesthetically placed within our pupils, and hyphens dissecting a set of 8 digit numbers that could be read through the rippling puddles of crying eyes, calculated through improper formulas... exponential form seeking exponential values.Representing the number of times in life we silently hoped things had happened differently.. but we're condemned by the elasticity of the unexpected and too deathly afraid to ever express it. Our circuited headsets working like carbon-wired halos and only the confidence in our staggering production could be noted as operational wings.... yet we're flying with one foot still on the ground, dragging like a twirling spoon in a freshly diluted cup of coffee. One foot reeling on a knotted line, trailing circles in desserts like symmetrical artwork. Only in this painting, and this world.. the viewers never realize how much the painter is suffering. Attempting to be content with the blatant dimensions of our multi-faceted realities with wallowing harps playing as the invitational lounge music. While we relax on the sofas of consciousness and shroud ourselves in a massacre of coated smoke clouds creeping it's life away from clipped cigars. Soft lighting perfect for never riling our emotions as still and inanimate objects, feeling lifeless. Hovering above us, the dim-lit chandelier is a perfect feature of our centered self... symbolic of our glitz and posh desires unsatisfied but not important. It's heard in distance by the dangling chimes whenever brushed by a gentle breeze created from a room of processed exhales. Empowered by a morbid drift leaking in from an open window some girl is wishing on falling stars from. Where we're twinkling like great ideas that only get their recognition a thousand light years proceeding the breadth of it's content. Funny how the world makes sense for at least a few seconds in a day, then we're conflicted between distinguishing those moments from the waking state or a mere case of lucid dreaming.. well, what's most favorable to truth? We're coughing on split-minute epiphanies, and momentary enlightenment. Rise and fall like piercing frequencies in Morse codes, sporadic etches on a seismograph. Where relationships build through satellites and enemies within exist in the static. Living in a universe the size of my fingernail, systematically gliding off it's axis with every oppression of human breathlike an ink spill.

Now there's no wonder I find my illusion of safety in a dull pencil.
 

I question whether ambitious people are happier than non-ambitious people. The problem with ambition is that there is always room for improvement and therefore, it is almost impossible to reach the absolute pinnacle of anything.

For example, you could always be earning more money, or working at a better job, or getting a hotter body, or finding a prettier girlfriend. You could always be learning a new language, or excelling at a sport, or refining your creative abilities. The level of ambition and determination a person has is a good measure of how much they will accomplish in their lifetimes... however, in the end, is it really worth it?

The sacrifices we make along the way in order to satisfy our ambition sometimes makes me question if we're missing out on life. Working till 1 a.m. every day might help my future career, but what about all the things I'm missing out on, like hanging out with friends, enjoying a good book, or simply taking a stroll outside.

Also, if we keep striving for the top, the problem is that we may never get there, so we'll simply spend our whole lives trying. Maybe it's better to just slow down and be content with what we have. Is that settling or being practical? Idealism vs Pragmatism?

What is the number one indicator of whether a child is going to be successful?

It's not the obvious things you would expect such as IQ or social abilities, in fact, success is predicted by testing for the child's ability to partake in delayed gratification.

It's simple really, you present a child with candy and tell him that he can either eat the candy now, or wait 5 minutes and get 3 pieces of candy. The children who waited the 5 minutes usually ended up doing better in school, doing well on standardized tests, and entering good colleges.

Delayed gratification means that instead of doing what immediately satisfies our wants, we delay the rewards and put in the hard work so that even bigger rewards can come in the future.

So instead of partying so much, socializing with friends, and wasting away our time... maybe it's better if we all just worked a little harder on achieving our goals.
 

We can't be everything at once. It is incredibly hard to have a great social Life, complete control over our health and fitness, etc. while still being ambitious and successful. Something has to give.

Einstein didn't discover the theory of relativity by partying all day. On the other hand, Paris Hilton didn't become famous by studying physics all day. We can be great at what we do, but often times, it is at the expense of something else.

Many people say balance is the key to happiness, but do great results really come from balance? Or rather an unwavering focus?

Some often find it incredibly hard to maintain balance in Life. There are those that I know who party like there's no tomorrow; other times, they'll become a hermit and focus on completing projects. There are people who find that trying to juggle two or more things at once simply weakens the results of all the endeavors.

Do you strive for balance in your life? Or complete focus? Is it possible to really have both?

"One's own struggle is individual, but it is not unique." - H Thurman

Every person has a problem at some point - they differ sometimes and sometimes they're the same, but each is handled and solved differently. For example, I have a husband who left me and I'm having a difficult time coping with it so I turn to working out, keeping myself busy, etc. Unlike another woman who's going through the same thing I am, has been eating too much or working out too much because she feels "ugly" that's why her husband left her. People take things differently. Some take it seriously and some take it TOO seriously. People tend to take things to the heart and head that they don't think about the ways to get over it. They're too busy weeping and crying. Problems come and go in our lives. Other people experience the same problem as ours at some point. it could be almost the same. We might have the same problem as other people. Problems and struggles aren't unique - only people are, in some ways.

"At last awake from life, that insane dream we take for waking now." - Robert Browning

When you've finally moved on, the feeling is so good, like waking up from a nightmare, realizing that it was just a bad dream. You'll learn that tomorrow is another day and you can't just let someone ruin your Life. The world revolves and rotates. Your loved ones are around, you're still breathing - Life goes on. Maybe next time the dream you'll have is a much better one. Just the thought that you've waken up from that bad dream, you'll realize that God's with you all along and whatever He takes away from  you, He replaces it with something or someone even better.

I remember when we used to call each other to catch up instead of updating status pages. I remember when we actually asked a friend what they were up to rather than checking out their online profile.

I love technology, but in some ways, I feel technology has taken us one step backward in the social arena. While I may have hundreds of digital friends, there are still only a few who I would actually pick up the phone and call. But when I do call, it’s always a million times better than any sort of online communication we could’ve had.

So when was the last time you talked on the phone with a friend?

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it...Hatred darkens life; love illumines it." - Martin Luther King Jr.

When one is angry at everything or everyone, he/she will lose everything he/she has left, like friends. If you keep on loving, people will appreciate you more and most likely you'll gain more friends. If one keeps pushing people away, that person will never be happy because he/she is not giving himself/herself a chance to be. For example, a loved one did something to uposet you that you feel like not forgiving him/her. Come to think of it, if you keep on being mad, that person might leave. It's like forgiving and forgetting. I believe that if God can forgive anyone, we can all forgive too! We're just human afterall. You must realize that if you have love in your Life, not only it will feel good but also it could bring out the best in you. Possibly, nothing can bring you down because you know that you have someone to turn to, like a comfort zone. Unlike having hate in you, you'll always have that empty feeling inside and it will bring out the worst in you.

"One of the paradoxes of education was that precisely at the point when you begin to develop a conscience, you must find yourself at war with society." - James Baldwin

You may wonder how can one be at war with society when he or she has began to develop a conscience, but we live in a world full of cynics and doubting Thomases. For every step that you make towards becoming a better person, comes all the trials. When you make a little mark or mistake, or found your little place under the sun, not everybody will be pleased and your integrity and your whole persona will be questioned. It is a fact that we belong to a society that is a bundle of emotions and a mixture of all the good stuff and the bad that the world can offer. This society can love and nurture you at one time, only to destroy you in the end. It takes a lot to be able to withstand everything that comes your way.

Convincingly, sophic examination produces results, it creates the genesis of conceptual matters that embroider the mind, and guide the way we think. Generally we can identify that much of the conceivable as representations of self-progression and modishly commencing (personal) mental growth.

The conscientious essence of pondering and occurrence of excogitation in the mind is that is it first done involuntarily as an unpremeditated course. It is in the symphonious nature of examination, and the (almost) perpetual spontaneity of a thought process to lightly delve (question). When this act is pursued as deliberate and intentional, it then becomes bordered as an act of contemplation commonly restricted to logic and salvaged with an impression of resolute (and endless) inquisition.

When we continue to question things we have already come to understand, we are in a state of wonder. When we question things we do not, we're in a state of pondering. This notion of thought, creates the elasticity of comprehension and if not the disaster, that is the absolute beauty of our minds.

"The function of the family is to celebrate the triumphs and heroes...and to remember the defeats." - Janice Hale Benson

A family sticks together all the time. When one is troubled, I believe everyone should help. A family compromises when arguing or debating - each member must not forget other and be considerate. Families support each other. When one makes a mistake, we should learn from it. Family shoudln't turn their backs on you when you're in need. A family are the people you can turn to when you're at your lowest, when you're afraid, when you're having problems financially. Family is your backbone - helps you to be strong and a better person. They bring out the best, not the worst in you. They defend you when you're bullied and helpless; they teach you what's right and what is wrong. A family takes care of each other. When two aren't getting along, non should take sides but to patch things up. A family remembers your birthday - ou should remember that no family is perfect; they could forget, unable to help because there are times you cannot count on anyone but yourself. These are just the things I think and feel a family must be. You're fortunate enough to have a family that's complete and supports you -- that loves you.

"If you can only find it, there is a reason for everything." - Traditional Saying

Life is an unending struggle; a constant search for something that we dream and hope for. It could be material wealth, prestige, recognition or fame, or the most elusive of all, inner peace. Lucky are those who have found peace of mind and contentment by living a simple Life - and blessed are those who have come to terms with all the ugliness that Life has to offer. Acceptance of the good things as well as the bad ones is the key to achieving peace of mind. That there has to be ugly things to really appreciated the beauty of Life - that for every problem that we encounter, there is a solution. We cry when we are hurt or miserable, so that we can smile and laugh when we are happy or delighted. There is a reason for everything, even the falling of a leaf...because as it falls, a new one replaces it and it will be a stronger one. When God closes the door, He will open a window.

Everyone feels the need to belong somewhere besides the company of their family and friends. Some find that sens of belonging by playing sports, joining the church choir or youth group, organizations and clubs of their interests. There are those who might even consider these things as their second home. In my case, I'm quite fortunate to have 'found' my second home or more like, it was my fate to cross paths with it.

A month after my friends and I formed the FM (Far*East Movement) Bay Area Street Team last year, we joined forces with the FM Sacramento Street Team to help organize the second International Secret Agents concert with WongFu Productions and FM, that was held in San Francisco early this year. A meeting was held and during this meeting, FM SST's leader happens to be Diann Kitamura, the founder of 4C THE POWER was introduced to the group. Being a follower of FM's blog, I knew that they are proud supporters of this organization that reaches out to the youth who are into different genres of arts. During the process of putting ISA09 SF together, my friends/fellow FM Street Team members signed up to volunteer as interns for a scheduled 4C workshop after the concert and upon knowing this, I thought, "Why not?" So, I joined them on board.

I've heard and read many great things about it (4C), but being at the actual workshop (and being a part of it) is a completely different story. A roomful of young aspiring artists and professionals in one place. My first thought? "How intimidating, yet exciting!" Those students were in their comfort zones. They were able to express themselves in ways that they might not be able to at home and only there they can be themselves. As I watched those students prepare for the showcase, I felt nervous for them because it's like a graded recitation, except you won't receive an F if you stutter but an applause.  During the showcase, I saw the passion and fire in many eyes. The conviction behind every word, every vinyl scratch and every piece were inevitable to notice. I'm not an artist, but I know that art is something personal. For someone who's never been on stage before to share his/her work is like sharing a piece of their hearts and an ounce of their souls with the world.  Their teachers/mentors stood there, watching...smiling and cheering like proud parents on graduation day. It was too difficult for my heart not to smile. From that moment, I knew that I was at the right place and the right time. Everything just felt right, like finding the right shoe size for your feet. It sounds like Cinderella, except mine is no fairy tale but reality.

Learning how it all started made me realize why I feel at home because that's where the inspiration came from - the family, the heart. I've formed stronger bonds and built new friendships through this organization. The friends I've made here are positively a few of the most hardworking and greatest individuals I've encountered in my Life! God blessed me with not just a mentor, but another mother, Mama D (Diann Kitamura). Everything I've witnessed about 4C is personal. People go out of their ways, leaving their schedules to make time for it to insire and make a change one workshop at a time. I realized that I too, have developed a personal attachment after the last workshop we conducted. A handful of kids approached me asking "When is the next workshop? We can't wait for another one!" Seeing how happy they were and the excitement in their voices are proofs that we're doing something great and I am a part of that something great - that something great is my second home...sweet home :)

I encourage all of you to join the Movement. Perhaps, 4C THE POWER is your second home too! And here, you'll not only make friends but you'll also have a FaMily.