It is not the journey’s destination that teaches us who we are but rather the journey itself. In the obstacles that we struggle to overcome, the joys we share with those in our lives, we find who we really are. We are able to find ourselves because we become raw and open in our emotions. Things that we hide even from ourselves come out at our highs and lows. When we finally reach where we want to be, whether it be heaven, in love, limbo or any other destination, we look back on the journey and see all that it took, all that we built not just in our lives but within our very souls as well.

Whenever I hear/see/read this saying, the first thing that comes to mind are the people in my Life whom I treasure dearly. I feel as if I don’t give them the credit they deserve for putting up with me, most especially those that have been a part of me for many years. I’m not the easiest person to deal with when I’m not in my best mood, when I throw tantrums and when I’m having an “only child disorder” yet these people continue to stick with me, regardless of my ‘rare conditions”. The absence of the people that were once dear to me has helped me appreciate those that are present in my Life. I’m thankful for all of the things that many have done for me, no matter how small or big they are. I always feel like I owe my loved ones so much because they keep me sane, intact, feel loved and supported. My previous birthday wasn’t eventful, yet that was the time when I felt that I was truly loved by many. 

All too often we fail to see that turning our backs on someone who needs us is neglect, regardless of whether or not we know the person. as people of a society sustained by the merits of only a select and recognized few, it is all too easy to pass on the responsibility of compassion and humanity. The media attempts to over-hype the good deeds of a select few, reassuring the masses that indeed compassion still exists despite the fact that we never see it in our daily lives anymore, our consciences are still satisfied to see good deeds in the media, thirsty for any affirmation that the world has not fallen into shambles of numbness and indifference to the plight of our fellow man.

We are all too ready and willing to turn a blind eye to the fact that despite the modern-day saints and “do-gooders” who give their lives to the needs of others, it is still not enough. There are still homeless, sick, desperate and dying people… many of which are children, inadequately equipped with the barest concepts of survival and denied the basic human right to flourish and thrive in the world today. Instead of being concerned with making it to the next grade, there are children that exist in the United States concerned with making it to the next day. The government pays farmers not to grow food in order to balance out supply and demand, failing to recognize that the government’s first duty is not to the economy but to its people. We should all be ashamed of ourselves and the filthy society we have allowed ourselves to live in. Lend a hand not because you want to be rewarded but because we all deserve to be helped every now and then…

Sometimes the greatest strength displayed of our character and spirit is not in how we hold on, but how we learn to and are willing to let go. What keeps us from letting go is the fear of being alone… not remembering what it was like to live a Life in solitude. What demons do you bear that are so horrendous as to make you fear being alone with yourself? Face the facts and the fear in order to move on to the future.

 We are all born into this world as seeds of the earth. Our values, goals and morals keep us firmly planted in the ground while our hearts force us to grow branches and reach out to others aching to also feed the world with their own talents: their own forms of oxygen that sustain people through this rough Life. We all go back into the earth as seeds; we are still able to sustain, nurture and provide even when we are no longer physically present. How will you choose to continue to leave your imprint and your ability to feed the world when you are unable to use your hands, eyes, legs or voice anymore? I for one, plan to use my heart.

I hope my love remains everlasting despite the fact that my body will not.

Life has that funny way about it. You never really figure out why you’re living it, but for those lucky few, they live it hoping not to figure it out but simply to enjoy it. I’m in a constant state of thought, pondering the plight of the world at large, wondering where I fit into the grand scheme of things, unable to downsize my fears and minimize the gnawing, numbing thought that I might never find my own niche. I may wander the world for all my years, unable to grasp that simple fact that Life might simply work itself out for me, without needing me to aspire to great philosophical heights and instead would rather have me live, love and give Life and love back to the world in return.

Someone out there might have the same fears as I do; the need to be someone for the world, to find some concrete proof that there is Life after death and we need not fear it as the end of this Life that maybe I’ll share with someone, someday together so blissfully.

I have learned to attempt to not get so caught up in the future as though the present holds no meaning. It is indeed the precious present; the moment in which we live that we are to cherish for once our moments are gone. We are never to return to them - only in memories that fade with age and time and the demand to remember other things in Life, like schedules, names, faces and soon we cloud ourselves with the insignificant, wishing we could still hold on to the dull edges of memories that were once sharp. How I would like to carve those memories into my soul and my heart with their sharp edges and etch them into myself so deeply that even time could not reach them from my depths. Instead, I let them linger and become dull; so dull that there are no edges for which I can grasp at with enough time to set and reminisce.

I suppose my fear of the future is somewhat unnecessary. I understand that there is a plan for all of us out there. One greater than this Life or even the next and trying to grasp it or fathom it is impossible. At least not in only one Life. Perhaps people have limited themselves to the concept that there is only one Life, but when I think about the possibility of fulfulling a plan that someone out there has set for me [whether it be God or some other power] in more than one Life, I am set at ease. I am given the peace to enjoy this Life, this moment and this love. Perhaps if I don’t fulfill everything in this Life, there’s always the next…

 For most of us, the boundaries between our bodily senses are clear-cut and rigid. But for a few rare individuals, the demarcation between vision and hearing, or between taste and touch, are less solid, with one bleeding into the other. 

 There is so much power in human connection, the power to transform people, shape the way they feel about the world and themselves. Some connections are deep enough to actually create human Life and sustain it. But there is something about human connection, the very thread that bind us to people we love slowly wrap themselves around self-control, tightening, restricting, warping. Everything that I loved about myself, my independence, my resolve, my avoidance of drama, my lack of emotion, has all gone rushing out the door.

I have become someone I don’t know, working on improving myself, on finding the balance between human connection and my own emotional health. It’s such a fine line, the battles are all mental and the only victims are the people who are hurt watching me go through what I must to be a better person at the end of the day. All I can say is that I am grateful to be loved, I am grateful that God had the foresight and wisdom to give those around me all the patience that I was never blessed with.

Some days are frustrating, so long and arduous and I find my young mind and heart chomping at the bit, living up to the impatience so characteristic of youth. Every day I wake up hoping for overnight miracles, but the truth is that the journey is long and difficult and I have to want this enough to be able to find the strength to keep walking this path.

I’ve never been able to accept defeat gracefully, to come to terms with the ebb and flow of Life, the inevitable tug of death that accompanies every Life. I’d like to chalk it up to the foolishness of youth: the belief that we are always invincible, that whatever is happening to the world outside could never possibly happen to us. But the fact of the matter remains that we are never promised tomorrow, let alone our next breath. I fully intend to chase my dreams, to take advantage of everything Life has to offer, with the hope that even if I fail at my goals, I am succeeding in Life for the simple fact that I am living it to its utmost potential. I wake up every morning knowing that it wasn’t promised to me, that Life is fleeting and that I have to make the most of what I am given.