Having never taken an anatomy course in my undergraduate career, I wondered about the anatomy lab with a great deal of apprehension. Talking to my classmates in the weeks prior, it seemed as if everyone was excited to get started cutting while I quietly imagined what that ordeal would be like. Would I get queasy at the sight of my cadaver? Would I feel an emotional attachment to it? Would I enjoy dissecting it because it was furthering my education? Unknown to me at the time, the answer to all of these questions would be a resounding ‘yes.’

            The afternoon arrived, and all morning I had thoughts, both positive and negative, about the experience running through my mind. With white lab coat and latex gloves on, I opened the body bag for the first time choosing not to look at it. After collecting myself, I mustered the courage to peer into the bag and caught my first glimpse of the cadaver of an elderly man, face down on our tray. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was human, with hands, feet, legs, and arms. But at the same time it wasn’t human, that is, not in the way anyone ordinarily thinks of one. It was completely still, not responding to sight or sound or touch. I found it startling, but not arresting. The fact that the cadaver’s facial features were not visible to me made the sight just bearable. The absence of those common features we see on people every day is what allowed me to detach myself from this person. I learned quickly that detachment would be key for me to make it through the lab.

            Once my colleagues had begun working on the procedure to dissect the cadaver, I found myself being less introspective and becoming more engrossed in the task at hand. I would help remove layers of skin so we could obtain visuals of the muscles and bones underneath. We looked in our reference book, watched videos on dissection techniques, and practiced going over the complicated vocabulary. It was a wholly educational experience for a while. It was just as I was getting comfortable, however, when I looked down at the cadaver’s fingers. They were delicate and slightly curved, exactly as mine were. The sense of detachment I had created in the previous hour dissolved as I stared at these fingers. They brought me back to reality.

What I had been working on was not just something to educate me in anatomy. It was the body of a human being; someone who had his own family, friends, stories, and experiences. I could not help myself from wondering whether there were people who mourned at his passing or whether he was pleased with his life. In an instant the noisy chatter of the lab dropped out and for a moment I reflected on just how incredible this experience was. This man permitted that his body be used for the advancement of knowledge, and I was the one lucky enough to receive this generous gift. I became invested in this man, but I could not express to him how grateful I was to have this opportunity. All I could do is hope that wherever he is, he knows just how appreciative I am.

            It took me a few minutes to collect myself. Responding to my teammates’ calls for assistance, I quickly re-immersed myself in the science. The remainder of the lab went off without a hitch. I was no longer queasy as I had been at the start of the lab. I felt a renewed sense of confidence in my ability to continue working in this manner for the rest of the year. I finally understood why anatomy professors supported participation in an anatomy lab so vehemently. But at the end of the day, I owed it all to the person who would eventually become my cadaver. None of it would have been possible without his presence.

In short, my cadaver and I have a curious relationship. In a sense I am getting to know him more closely than anyone who ever met him on earth had the chance to get to know him. We never met while alive, and we never will meet. But our stories are forever intertwined, and nothing can change that.

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I had a blast at the Asian Liver Center's LIVERight last year. I almost didn't do it, but I was persuaded to attend, and am I glad I did. Besides being a beautiful 5k run, it raised awareness for a very important issue.